god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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