I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
