he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
