i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You smell like stripper and shame
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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