what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
