You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
