u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
