I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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