Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
