I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
