rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
