This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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