LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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