i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
