I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
