If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
