i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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