I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
