so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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