I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
