Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
