He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
barbara walters just said penis...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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