I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
