we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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