...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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