Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
