would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
