While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
