i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize