Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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