toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
