My hand turned me down
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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