the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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