Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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