My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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