Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
