Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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