oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
