i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
