I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
