i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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