he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dignity is for republicans.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize