Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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