If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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