i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
