OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize