So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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