I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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