Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
