Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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