I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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