It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
