You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
