I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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