i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize