If that was your dad, he is hot
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
