I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
