When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
