You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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