Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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