tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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