Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
