just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
