You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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