How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need moral support for this bender
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
