I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
