Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
