I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
