They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish you could order shots online.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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