Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dignity is for republicans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
