I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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