i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
