My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
