I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
